Day 3 of Project 365 (details about my endeavor can be found here). As always, posts are first written on a notepad then transcribed verbatim –
day 03 — jack-o-lantern
at what age do we make that transition from childhood to adolescence? from young adult to full-fledged adult? is it an age marker — like when you hit the big two-three? is it once you graduate college? is it when you get that first paycheck, that first job with benefits? is it when you encounter that first holiday season and don’t have a month off? or is it when you start preferring bars to frat parties? is it when you’re too old for Halloween, too old for dress-up & costume parties? my transition into adulthood has been interesting. and who knows what side i’m really on? i still feel like a fence straddler.
over the summer, it felt normal, like any other summer — internship, down time, weekends out with friends. school started, and yeah, things were different but not a shock, maybe because i’ve been living at home, eating home-cooked meals and surrounded by a familiar environment. maybe it’s because i’ve been preparing for this for the past few years, and it just feels … natural. maybe it’s because i’m doing what i love, and it doesn’t feel like work. maybe because my monthly car payments don’t feel out-of-place, but normal. but the differences have been noticeable, too.
that feeling of not belonging at the new au bon pain at duke. the turning down of weekend club outings and thursday night house parties. the transition from “let’s get coffee” to “let’s catch up after work. i heard [insert restaurant/bar name here] has great happy hour specials.” the turning in for bed at 11:30p. the change from a noon wakeup time to a 5:30a time. a re-prioritizing — from making time to attend so-and-so’s party and so-and-so’s function to making time for me, my thoughts. i guess this is growing up — the maturation, the sacrificing. all words used by “adults” but fully incomprehensible to those on the other side.
it’s an odd feeling, like a subtle reminder that things are different, yet no real conscious, easily discernible differences. who knows when one crosses the boundary into adulthood? is there a real difference? does it matter? are there stages? emotionally, mentally, physically? i really don’t know.
but i do know that i feel too old for Halloween, too old to play dress-up, too old to shoot back orange jello shots. and you know what? that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.